7 Ways to Bring Intention into Your Big Day

According to Brides.com, when asked about their biggest regrets from their wedding day, most brides said that they let their big day become too focused on other people’s opinions or on material things. That their day felt less about the love between them and their partner and more about meaningless things: getting too stressed out about minute details, drinking too much to calm their nerves and consequently not remembering much of their day, spending too much time on traditional affairs such as bouquet tosses, not honoring parents or loved ones enough, inviting too many people, trying too hard to make everyone happy, and so on. That the wedding hardly incorporated what they actually wanted even though they planned this for months, or sometimes years.

The goal is to honor your loved ones, not make it their style.

Yet, if you are planning a wedding then you will probably hear this ‘half- joke’ more times than you can count:

“But it’s your ONE big day,…” and usually a snarky “if you’re lucky” thrown in at the end.

This is often said before a persuasive statement such as “So you SHOULD make everyone happy by doing more, spending more”

That’s how things start to get out of hand.

This statement is up there with the amount of times you hear the warning: “Better enjoy your last days of being single.” Can’t tell you how much I loved hearing that 10,000 times (insert eye- roll emoji).

There will be dozens of people who will think they know what you “should” do for your wedding- but only you and your partner truly know.

I have my critiques of the insanely stressful money pit that some weddings can be (if you don’t know what I mean then just watch any bridal show on TLC—ehm ehm Bridezilla) but I am far from a cynic. I really think weddings can be divine and beautiful, but my main fear for my own was a lack of meaning. I wanted my wedding to be a showcase of our relationship, rather than just checking off boxes of “shoulds.” Symbolism, to me, is everything in a wedding- a living poetry dedicated to the love between two humans and the converging of two lineages.

So, Mijo and I set out to curate the perfect mix of elements that would make our day like a sweet ballad. And looking back, we can honestly say we loved our wedding through and through. It felt special, unique, and true to ourselves. Although ours was pretty unconventional, I believe there are plenty of ways you can bring intention into yours, regardless of your style, religion, or budget.

A look back on our Wedding Day:

1. Infuse some uniqueness and personalization into your day:

Big or small, simple or largely overarching, meaningful elements can make you feel like you are right at home on your wedding day- an authentic tribute to you and your love. This is the perfect day to bring mementos from your ancestors or a satchel of special items (dried flowers, lucky charms, quotes or pictures). You want your wedding day to be something that resonates and belongs to the two of you.

What we did:

• When looking for a location, we wanted three big things: a bit of history, a location that was close to where both of our ancestors came from, and a place where mountains met the sea since we both love nature. This was no easy feat, but we finally found what felt like the one and only place in the world that held all of those. Il Castello Di Praia, sometimes known as Castello Praja, is a medieval Norman Military castle in Praia A Mare, Calabria, Italy. My great grandmother was born in Calabria and Mijo was born just a hop over the Adriatic, in Montenegro (which is also where we got engaged, check out the post: Our Engagement Story in Montenegro to hear more about our Engagement).

• We got married on my favorite day of the year: Summer solstice (June 21, 2019), which is almost to the exact day that we started dating 9 years prior.

• We brought lavender that we picked during our engagement shoot in Oregon instead of throwing rice to celebrate our “first kiss” as a married couple.

• We had a table dedicated to loved ones who passed on with a candle and quote.

• We engraved the inside of Mijo’s ring in his first language of Serbo-Croatian.

2. Find some time to ground yourself

Preferably alone and in nature, even for just a few moments. Meditation is a great way to bring presence into your day and it allows some time to relax and be grateful for this special day. Your wedding day can quickly pass so I think it is important to slow time a bit and remember how sacred this day truly is.

What I did:

• I woke up to watch the sunrise in the Castle’s garden. For years, I have been making it a point to watch the sunrise and sunset on the Summer Solstice and this would definitely be no exception. I prayed and meditated by myself before everyone woke up and the castle came alive.
• Again, before walking out to the ceremony, my sister, mom, and I did a quick grounding prayer

3. Find some time for quiet intimacy with your partner

For the weeks before your wedding, things can get crazy. You are often running around and the times you spend together are all about planning and organizing. If not before getting ready the day of, try to spend some time together the day before. Leave out any planning or rehearsing, just enjoying each other’s company. It’s important to remind each other what this day really is about. The wedding day can feel like a public affair and especially if one or both of you is somewhat of an introvert- this practice is especially important in preserving the intimacy of this huge celebration.

What we did:

• We were lucky in that our wedding day was pretty chill for the morning and most of the afternoon. We didn’t have to start getting ready until ~3 pm so we had some time to be together before getting ready.

• The oldest chapel in the town is located on the castle grounds. It is small and uniquely quiet- a respite from all that is going on in the outside world. We went in there before breakfast and did a little prayer together. It was intimate, relaxing, and hugely calming for the both of us (nerves inevitable pop out on the Big Day).
• We also went into the chapel after our ceremony for a mini ritual- which consisted of a prayer and lighting the candles inside

4. Get your pre-weddings jitters out with some quick exercises

Create a relaxing playlist with all of your favorite songs. And rather than reaching for alcohol, try a quick yoga session, some dancing, or deep breathing to take the edge off.

What I did:

• I did basically just as the above and I waited until after our ceremony to have any alcohol. Before getting ready, I went up on the top castle parapet to do some freestyle dance yoga and I ended my practice with some mindful breathing, a technique called Dirga Pranayama that is ultraaaa relaxing.

How to:

• Start by emptying out your lungs completely and pausing as long as it feels comfortable (usually 2-3 seconds)

• Inhale in three parts (1/3) then pause next third and pause, and the next you fill up completely until you have a full expression through your diaphragm. and pause at the top of this inhalation.

• Do the same in your exhale, making sure to pause after each 1/3.

5. Write out secret vows or a love letter and have it delivered to each other before your walk down the aisle

This obviously only works if are not rushing up until the last minute but I highly recommend it- like some of the other practices above, it reminds you of the importance of the day but also is a great memento for the future. Forewarning: you may have some happy tears just before going out but it is well worth it.

6. Personalize your ceremony and honor your guests

No matter if you are religious, spiritual, or secular there is always a way to add in some personalization to your ceremony- whether it be decorating your altar with some personal pieces or adding words to your ceremony through written vows or talking to the celebrant beforehand with some sermon ideas. These words are what seal and mark the beginning of your union. It tells of what was and what will become as you enter this new and beautiful phase of life, so I think it is important for them to be as unique as your relationship is.

There are many ways to honor your guests throughout the ceremony- have a loved one walk you down the aisle or read a special excerpt, mention them in your vows or have the celebrant incorporate the guests into the ceremony.

What we did:

• We were lucky enough to have both sets of our parents, my sister and Mijo’s, and his brother able to attend our wedding. Our siblings who couldn’t make it to Italy were there in spirit and in FaceTime (Wooo technology!).
• Each of our loved ones had a hand in marrying us to one another. My dad walked me down the aisle and my sister was our celebrant. We hand-created the whole sermon and we did a handfasting ceremony.

• Handfasting is an ancient ritual where loved ones bound the couple’s hands in colorful ribbons. Each ribbon signifies a new blessing that the guest pick out beforehand, by whichever blessing resonates most with them.

7. Make sure to make beautiful memories and have loads of fun

We ate, drank, danced, cried, and sang until the wee hours of the morning. And every moment was perfect.

The real meaning of a wedding is to celebrate love, other than that, the rest is not important. In the end, only you and your partner know what is right for your wedding. Stay true to yourself and live in the moment and you can’t go wrong.

What special ways did you celebrate your wedding? Drop a comment below!

Thanks for reading! xoxo